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Sailfish
09-04-2009, 07:46 PM
Hi good evening everyone,

I need some advise badly, really hope that someone out there could help, there the story goes :-

I got to know N about 3.5 years ago in a seminar in Philippines, after i came back to singapore, we exchanges emails for few months and started to develop feelings for each other. It was about 3 years ago that she had decided to come to singapore to work, everything was fine, she got her job easily. We promise each other that we will grow old together.

A year after we are together, i found out that she had a baby boy in Philippines and she is divorced. (she send her pay to Phil for the boy expenses) and she was forgiven cos i really love her a lot. (she is a very nice, understanding and sweet ger). During this period, my business failed, i lost everything and yet she is there for me every minutes, taking care of me, we even reach a stage whereby 2 of us have to share a packet of economy rice for a while day meal. I was very down during that period of time, i order to survive, i am giving tuition. things just goes on this way.

On 3rd March 09, she took a month leave to go back to Phil to be with his boy. On 4th April, she is back and things just start to go wrong. She brought back a lappy saying it was from her aunti, when i as trying to help her to configure the lappy, i found out that it was from her ex husband, after probing in further, she confess to me that she slept with him once during her 1 month break. i lost my cool, i slap her lightly on her face once (i know its my fault to lay my hand on a ger) She is once again forgiven.

5th April (Sunday), i went tuition in the morning, when i was back home in the afternoon, she is no longer there, no news at all from her ......, i called the no she called me from Phil (she told me it was her dad's no), i found out that it was actually her husband, we chatted a while, he was angry and sad and told me in Phillinines there is no divorce.

6th April (Mon), i went to her work place to look for her ..... she is not there, we lost communication. (her mobile is not on)

7th April (tue), i cant control anymore, its too painful in the heart, i went to look for her boss and was told that she is on urgent leave.

8th April (Wed), i tried all ways and means to locate her .... its unsuccessful.

9th April (thur), i called her boss at 2pm earlier, was told that he cant locate her also and she is officially terminated. was told by 1 of her friend that she had went back to Phil.

I am totally lost, my heart ache like hell, no peace ...... what shall i do, i really wish some kind soul out there with a clear mind can give me some advise ........

Gaofar
09-04-2009, 11:20 PM
Bro Sailfish...

From what you have written, you can see for yourself that actually you have already answer for yourself what you should do..

Bro, letting it go is the hardest especially she follows you thru your most difficult period.. Still, from what you've stated it's pretty clear cut.. She has played the game and realised that she played too deep, thus "evacuate" already..

Take care..

Gaofar
09-04-2009, 11:31 PM
And oh yeah... You're gonna get that message from Sammy that your thread title "advise" is wrong but should be "advice".. something like that.. Most people do make that simple mistake so don't take it to heart :D

BKnight
10-04-2009, 12:36 AM
T.S, Do you know what you did wrong?

NewandLost
10-04-2009, 01:22 AM
You need to focus on yourself and your own business/financial situation. While it may be comforting to have a woman stand by you she is with her husband. She may not want to be there but you really cannot change it at this moment. I really think you should get back to standing on your own feet and you will be better off. You may meet someone else while you are going through this and that could be the love of your life. Try to spperate the two problems because when you intertwine them it makes things worse. You are the priority.

FiliaLunae
10-04-2009, 02:36 AM
Our greatest strength lies in being able to pick ourselves up after we've fallen.

Bro, you must stop thinking of her now and regain control over your life. She might have just came to SG to seek a means of earning money - which she did from you. Harsh words I speak here, but sometimes being harsh is neccessary to wake someone up.

Give yourself a bit more time to get over this, and then start getting your life back in order. Yes, you can still emo about this issue but, honestly, if she doesn't give a damn about you anymore, you ought to treat her the same way.

Just be wary of falling into the same trap, brother, but at the same time, don't pack yourself up too tightly =)

colins
10-04-2009, 03:45 AM
Ah.... clear minded advice? No need la, you already said everything yourself. You forgave all her previous lies what. But this big big lie, she knows she cannot pass liao. Run run away lor. End of story. Icebergs are icebergs, they will never fully surface to the top for you to see everything.

No point sticking on to memories, no matter who stayed with you through your toughest or best time, it is just a matter of timing. When you need her, she also needed you. Fair deal for both. Yes she could have left, but you were too smittened to let her go so she stayed with you lo. Tough to get another guy at so short notice anyways.

Once you accept her true nature, you won't be lost. People only get lost when they tell themselves they need to travel north but yet move towards anything but the north. Time to wake up, she ain't worth it, certainly not another single moment of longing.

Take care dude ;)

FiliaLunae
10-04-2009, 04:12 AM
One more thing:

A scorpion never changes its nature =) Read the story here (http://allaboutfrogs.org/stories/scorpion.html). Once bitten, twice shy, brother TS...but never forget that your true love is out there, and that that true love should NOT be shortchanged on the trust you give.

Gambatte! =)

Sailfish
10-04-2009, 07:45 AM
A Happy GOod Friday to everyone.

I wanna thank everyone for replying to my thread. Indeed it helps a lot, i am feling much better now, the wound will take sometime to recover and during this period, i will get ready for he battle ahead.

May Peace, Happiness and Love be with all of you always.

ekemono
10-04-2009, 07:58 AM
"No money, No honey"

Move on TS. She isn't worth your time.
But some thing you gotta learn to be smarter:

1) If a gal doesn't come clean with her story, such as one in such importants as in your case before she embark on a relationship with you, you gotta be weary and observant before throwing your full committment into the relationship.

2) Learn to protect and love yourself. By forgiving her most of the time despite there was act of betrayal, you are directly giving her the green light to betray you more. And all these is hurting you.

Alot of both men and women could not bear to end the relationship despite it was obvious that it will do no good for them in the long run, for reason that they are used to that someone and fear loneliness again, for lust when they took it as love.

I tell you ppl. If you never want to be good to yourself, no one will be good to you. Not even God can help them.

Panamera
10-04-2009, 09:39 AM
Bro Sailfish,

She didn't come clean from Day 1, one lie after another, she knows she can't cover up any longer so better to disappear. Blessing in disguise, bro, count yourselves lucky.There might be a bigger cover-up....Move on and re-build your life and career.

To You & All Bros :D

Have a Good Friday holiday and enjoy the long weekends!

Sailfish
10-04-2009, 12:58 PM
Once again, i wanna thanks those who replied to this thread. You wake me up, thanks !!!!

Thou its still aching in the heart, no peace, missing her .... i guess it will take sometime for me to recover. I will pack myself up, re-build my life.

A Big thank you to everyone! Best Wishes !!!!!!!!!!

DO_YOU_BJ
10-04-2009, 03:30 PM
Thou its still aching in the heart, no peace, missing her .... i guess it will take sometime for me to recover. I will pack myself up, re-build my life.

Now you're goin thru cold turkey like a drug addict...
You'll suffer mentally, and physically as well......
Watever happens, stay focused on your road to recovery, wat you're goin thru now is your body purging the toxins out.
Let the cycle complete and you'll be fine...trust me, been there too:D
Just remember, should the DRUG surface, dun start abusing yourself wif it again, just ignore and walk away from it.
Cos if you addicted to it again, it'll be 1000 more times difficult than this round!

mike1304k
10-04-2009, 03:45 PM
Dear TS,

You hve to let go and also to allow yourself to heal. Imgagine what her husband must be feeling now? His wife went to anoher country and shacked up with another guy.

A wise man once said... If you re crying about not being to buy a shoe, think about the guy who has no legs to buy shoes for.

So please be stong, you still have get your business back up and to recover... So do no spend too much time on spilt milk.

sammyboyfor
10-04-2009, 04:02 PM
Hi good evening everyone,

I need some advise badly,

d can give me some advise ........

Should be "I need some ADVICE badly." and "..can give me some ADVICE.".

"Advise" is a verb.

The girl is just screwing around with you. You have served your purpose and you have now been discarded.

Get a new girl.

Kate
14-04-2009, 09:25 AM
try and remain strong.

refine
05-05-2009, 02:22 PM
Hi good evening everyone,

I am totally lost, my heart ache like hell, no peace ...... what shall i do, i really wish some kind soul out there with a clear mind can give me some advise ........

Bro Sailfish

I understand how you feel and what you are going through right now. Food probably taste blend and the air your breathe feel stale.... sigh... but you must really get a grib of yourself and move on.

Perhaps that gal's sudden disappearance has to do with the 'truth' that you discovered about her. She is too ashame and hence she left without notice. And with her MIAing from the company, I am certain that her EP is terminated and it will be difficult for her to apply to work in SG again. She really burn the bridges and it does shows that she is determine to leave you and there is no way you could seek her.

I am sure she find you trustworthy, nice and all hence she also falls for you despite the fact that she is married with kids. It is probably wishful thinking on her part to think that she could have you and still have her family hence she leaded this 'secret life'.

It will be a matter of time for you to discover this and at least it's sooner than later. You may be feeling helpless and you wish that you were ignorant and didnt know abt the TRUTH. You probably wished that she will be back in your arms and you are prepare to accept her despite her family in Phil etc. But thats putting yourslf in self-denial.

You really need to get hold of yourself, focus on work and re-accumulate your wealth.

I wish you the best of luck and take care!

refine

incomplete
07-05-2009, 10:55 AM
The best thing to do is to move on.

Big B
08-05-2009, 11:13 AM
What reasons do you have for meeting with her? To scold her? To ask her why?

Can you believe what she tells you?

I believe you have fallen into the trap of loving someone who does not share the same values you do. You feel that if someone is willing to go through thick and thin with you, you have found a keeper.

Unforunately, pinohs generally live for today and not for tomorrow. This is direct result of their culture coupled with abject poverty so please don't hate them for it. Your "GF" has probably thought it wasn't fun/worth it anymore and just departed for home. The term "moving on" was created with them in mind I think. :rolleyes:

To give you some insights into how they think, consider the following joke:

When a SG receives a cow as a gift, he:
- slices up the cow and invests 1/2 of it in commodities and bonds;
- the other half is placed in the bank (in case of "rainy" days);
- if there's any left over, nibble sparingly and make it last as long as possible.

When a Pinoy receives a cow, he:
- slices up the cow and invites the entire village for a feast;
- realising there's not enough to go around, he borrows money to buy another cow;
- afte the feast, he wonders when the next cow is going to show up. :D

paul55ho
09-05-2009, 03:48 AM
her husband, we chatted a while, he was angry and sad and told me in Phillinines there is no divorce....

Bro,this is a BIG issue...

she confess to me that she slept with him once during her 1 month break....

N this is even Bigger. 1 time with her husband? Unlikely...

Its easier said than done,cos we outsider, but i think you shld pick up the pieces and move on. Concentrate on building up your biz again, n wen theres $$$,theres gonna be honey. Good luck bro.

NewandLost
10-05-2009, 05:15 PM
Forget about the bitch. Man you are f ing up your mind and you emotions with a woman who stepped outside of her marragie. Is that someone you value? Do you want to be in a tug of war with someone else for this woman? Has she ever lied to you? More than once is too much.

Come on SG guy educated and has a future and your going after someone who plays with you when they would have been lucky to be with you and crying about it. Get real. Don't take it personally bro, this is tough love from the bros here which is why I say it so bluntly.

newyorker88
14-05-2009, 04:46 PM
Move on friend. She did it with you for "desperation" and " venting out". She going back to her husband again, and the next time, she will come back telling you how her husband mistreat her again.

You falling for it? Or she will be looking for someone else if you bo chap her....

atomsgame
16-05-2009, 05:14 PM
Move on, from what u describe, it is purely hidden motive on her part. Also U already "earn" based on that period that she was with u, letting u "f" and taking care of u...there is no lost on your part.

Know now is better than later.

If she does it to U, she can do it to her hub or other "men".

Move on.... there is time for everthing, it is time to move on..

cablesnwires
22-05-2009, 04:28 PM
Dear bro Sailfish,

Learn to let go, and learn to forgive. I wish you the best in your path to recovery.

Do let us know how you are doing. :)

crashalot
09-06-2009, 05:40 PM
Bro, think about your life before you met her, yes, there was a life, right? .... Life is a journey, and she was one of the stops. The train of life will continue, and look forward to your next destination, and be grateful for any happiness picked up from your last stop :)

Hang in there, time will heal all wounds.

Take care.

rogerlim
10-06-2009, 12:04 AM
I dont see why its so hard to move on? I see alot of vs versus relationship, not just guy's point of view but sometimes the other way round. Even if they guy/girl treat the bf/gf badly, somehow or rather they just refused to breakup.