Lost interest in commitment/marriage...

[BiRd13]

Dear All bros,
This is my first time posting in this section. Hope you guyz out there can give some advice... Especially by those who've been to the process of divorce...

Knew this girl in 1997, start dating during 2000. Got ROM on 2002, and custom marriage during 2004. However, due to some unforseen circumstances, we divorced during March 2007. Only recently during Dec 2007, everything have been finalised...

Since then, been dating a few girls, but somehow to no outcome. I began thinking of myself. And seems that lost interest/scare of marriage/commiting anymore. Wonder if any bros facing the same problem? I do hope to have a stable gf, and to settle down someday. But it seems is very difficult for me. Everytime I date a girl, I started to have fobil in being with her again. I'm really afraid that she will be like my ex wife, who did something wrong to me. But yet, I keep on bedding other people gf/wife... I knew its wrong, but I keep on doing it... I don't know why sometimes too...

And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

[darkmaster]

Yo bro, this is no place for morals and i am not going to give u a lecture on morals.

You have been through a rough patch in life, and now u are in a "letting go kind of" behaviour. Nothing wrong in that and i do not judge you on the deeds u mentioned. (unless one of them is my gf, now that is a different story)

However we must be responsible for our actions no matter the reason or circumstances that force us into it. And when the time calls for it, if ever, you will have to answer for ur actions. You can choose to indulge yourself in this mourning stage but understand that moving forward is what separates the winners from the whiners/losers.

Best of luck dude.

[Saint Dogbert]

So long as still interested in women you are still alright.

[XueJing]

And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

Huh, she keeping the baby ,.... one day dna test how?

Dont understand what you cannot let go ... ??

Anyway, am sure if you just be trustful of the ger .... you will be able to find one that suits you ...

[BiRd13]

Huh, she keeping the baby ,.... one day dna test how?

Dont understand what you cannot let go ... ??

Anyway, am sure if you just be trustful of the ger .... you will be able to find one that suits you ...

Possible that I love her too much, that can't let go... haiz...

[colins]

Dear All bros,

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

Bro you know sometimes during our lives, when we suffer setbacks, when we lose something we treasure, we also lose part of ourselves that is attached to the something or someone we've lost. Normally we will instinctively recover over a period of time, and during the process of recovery, our mind rebuild the part of our memory containing that something or someone who we've lost.

Attached to those memories are also experience. Lessons that you've learnt those experience, unfortunately, would be lost as well. Thats why a person always change after he or she recovers from an ordeal, its becos the some of the fundamental rules (in thinking) which were derived from those experience are no longer there.

Problem is that, sometimes we can't even recognise ourselves after we have changed, and go thru another process of normalising new rules. You see a new 'you', but you can't see you in the new 'you'.

So the key to this, and probably the answer to your question is, the influences you got during the recovery process is crucial in forming the new 'you'. And put it this way, this is the only good news among your loss. Becos we readily suck up experience during the recovery and normalising new rules, surround yourself with happy people, successful people and non-judgemental people. Make sure you keep yourself happy (read: not by boozing or drugs) and you might even emerge a better person. This is probably the hardest part, but you need to bypass your desire to mellow in the dark.

It is okay to doubt yourself during this stage, but it is important to put that aside and just go enjoy other parts of life, like friendships and kinship. All you need to do is to force yourself to be among your people, force yourself to smile, to be silly and just laugh it off. Very soon, you'll reach a point where you can look back and take everything in without feeling sad, and understand that all these are just part of life that makes it eventful for you.

Hope this helps man. Take care.

[Thunder]

Dear All bros,
And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...
Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

bro BiRd13

i think it is a very irresponsible act on your part and the married lady to do that....if u were her husband.... how will u feel.

I think she should go for abortion...ie find a reason to convince her hubby.

Believe in Karma.... what goes around, comes around.

sorry din mean to be bad.

[wgws2]

Pls stop doing fooling around with these girls if u cannot clear up your state of mind. U could be creating more harm than your ex-wife did to u! The most sad thing is u are involved with a married woman and made her pregnant!!!:mad:

Dear All bros,
This is my first time posting in this section. Hope you guyz out there can give some advice... Especially by those who've been to the process of divorce...

Knew this girl in 1997, start dating during 2000. Got ROM on 2002, and custom marriage during 2004. However, due to some unforseen circumstances, we divorced during March 2007. Only recently during Dec 2007, everything have been finalised...

Since then, been dating a few girls, but somehow to no outcome. I began thinking of myself. And seems that lost interest/scare of marriage/commiting anymore. Wonder if any bros facing the same problem? I do hope to have a stable gf, and to settle down someday. But it seems is very difficult for me. Everytime I date a girl, I started to have fobil in being with her again. I'm really afraid that she will be like my ex wife, who did something wrong to me. But yet, I keep on bedding other people gf/wife... I knew its wrong, but I keep on doing it... I don't know why sometimes too...

And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

[Sunshines]

Bro, go for a pyschiatrist session. I'm not saying you are ill. But it may help you getting to know why you're behaving this way. Hope it helps

[ekemono]

You have to let go of your past before you can move on. Otherwise, I doubt even any good gal can hang out long with you.
Take care bro

[String_Bean808]

Think you need to solve the married woman carrying your baby problem soon, before its too late.

[BiRd13]

thx to all bros that give me advice/flaming... Really appreciate your help... And will think carefully too

Specially to Bro colins,
Many thanks of your advice. Will cheer up and get on with my life...

[kiko]

Bro: there is only one way out . that is apologise to the gals. Say sorry to the gals that you make love with.. Kneel down and ask for forgiveness. Its wrong to have sex with other people's wife or gal friend. In the days of old days Isreal .. BC : people who do that be stoned to death. If u are a buddhist , u go to temple and eat vegetables for 3 months.. let yr heart be clean .. If u are a christian , ask god for forgiveness.. U follow my words. U say , lord i am a sinner.. my heart is unclean.. please lord forgive me for my lust.. Jesus please forgive me for what i did, let the blood of jesus flow onto me and cleanse me clean right now. Bro : from now on dont lust onto other gals.. be a good man .. and god will bring someone into your life!

Take care!

[glooper83]

I dun understand the part when you said your wife did something wrong to you and now you are making other people's wife do something wrong against their husbands? Hmm.. its such a huge contradiction..

[spasticboy]

Bro: there is only one way out . that is apologise to the gals. Say sorry to the gals that you make love with.. Kneel down and ask for forgiveness. Its wrong to have sex with other people's wife or gal friend. In the days of old days Isreal .. BC : people who do that be stoned to death. If u are a buddhist , u go to temple and eat vegetables for 3 months.. let yr heart be clean .. If u are a christian , ask god for forgiveness.. U follow my words. U say , lord i am a sinner.. my heart is unclean.. please lord forgive me for my lust.. Jesus please forgive me for what i did, let the blood of jesus flow onto me and cleanse me clean right now. Bro : from now on dont lust onto other gals.. be a good man .. and god will bring someone into your life!

Take care!

good advice

[glooper83]

And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

No, you're a stud.. Either you got great looks such that all of them throw themselves at you or.. i dunno?

But try not to do unto others what you do not want others to do to you. Simple fact of life, you may call it revenge but you're hurting other families that did no grieve to you. I would'nt say that you're a bastard yet, maybe just very unstable and shaken/ trumatised over your recent break up. There's still hope for you to lead a life that you want... There is always hope so dun lose it and cheer up for the days to come. And really, i feel that you got to control your brudder at work, especially on married woman. Things will get very complicated in future and might get seriously out-of-hand.

[PetiteMidAgeBoy]

Bro: there is only one way out . that is apologise to the gals. Say sorry to the gals that you make love with.. Kneel down and ask for forgiveness. Its wrong to have sex with other people's wife or gal friend. In the days of old days Isreal .. BC : people who do that be stoned to death. If u are a buddhist , u go to temple and eat vegetables for 3 months.. let yr heart be clean .. If u are a christian , ask god for forgiveness.. U follow my words. U say , lord i am a sinner.. my heart is unclean.. please lord forgive me for my lust.. Jesus please forgive me for what i did, let the blood of jesus flow onto me and cleanse me clean right now. Bro : from now on dont lust onto other gals.. be a good man .. and god will bring someone into your life!

Take care!

WOW! You are a good man. Why are u in this shit place in the first place?

[ShittyAss]

Bro: there is only one way out . that is apologise to the gals. Say sorry to the gals that you make love with.. Kneel down and ask for forgiveness. Its wrong to have sex with other people's wife or gal friend. In the days of old days Isreal .. BC : people who do that be stoned to death. If u are a buddhist , u go to temple and eat vegetables for 3 months.. let yr heart be clean .. If u are a christian , ask god for forgiveness.. U follow my words. U say , lord i am a sinner.. my heart is unclean.. please lord forgive me for my lust.. Jesus please forgive me for what i did, let the blood of jesus flow onto me and cleanse me clean right now. Bro : from now on dont lust onto other gals.. be a good man .. and god will bring someone into your life!

Take care!

U siao ah??:confused:

[ShittyAss]

Dear All bros,
This is my first time posting in this section. Hope you guyz out there can give some advice... Especially by those who've been to the process of divorce...

Knew this girl in 1997, start dating during 2000. Got ROM on 2002, and custom marriage during 2004. However, due to some unforseen circumstances, we divorced during March 2007. Only recently during Dec 2007, everything have been finalised...

Since then, been dating a few girls, but somehow to no outcome. I began thinking of myself. And seems that lost interest/scare of marriage/commiting anymore. Wonder if any bros facing the same problem? I do hope to have a stable gf, and to settle down someday. But it seems is very difficult for me. Everytime I date a girl, I started to have fobil in being with her again. I'm really afraid that she will be like my ex wife, who did something wrong to me. But yet, I keep on bedding other people gf/wife... I knew its wrong, but I keep on doing it... I don't know why sometimes too...

And recently, I got a married girl pregnant.... She told me not to disclose it, and said that the kids is her husband de... but somehow, I can't seems let go...

Is that a revenge? or am I just a bastard? Any advice for me?

Like earlier bro mentioned...this is no place for morals...and bro...i sugguest that u clear the either of settling down for now...and just have fun with ur life...whether to go for someone whom is married or not...its up to u...

"Hua hee kam guan" one.....no who is rite or who is wrong...but most impt..take precaution la...if not...got kid liao....its a lose lose situation for u....either way u also no way out! u will be guilty for life sia...haiz...

[Underwearman]

My personal view is never keep too close to married woman. Its even worse to bonk them. Can u imagine how the husband will feel if he ever find out the adultery.

[pewpew]

Please make the woman divorce with her husband and YOU becoming her husband or worst senario, abort the baby if you really have no choice.

You already know she is married and yet you RAWR with her....?

Anyway, its up to you to decide what is best for you and her but do remember, if you are in her husband's shoe and found baby is not yours, what will you do?

Good luck to you and hope you can settle the problem with the right attitude :o

[shanshen]

karma has its unique way to repay a sinner..

if u up other people wife, expect your wife or daughter (i u ever have one) to be screwd by others as well..

u cannot escape this..just get on with life and if u feel bad scewing others wife, than put a stop to it...

[sgswingers]

bro i understand how u feel.. there is no right or wrong answer to bonk people's wife.. but then..the baby issue.. both parties got to play a part..best is to get rid of it i think.. cos i dun think u guys will be tgt.... just have fun tgt ye?

i dun think u have any problem cos u know clearly what is wrong with urself.. but then u kept on repeating these to make u forget about ur past..well a way to escape from reality...just like smoking..all of us know smoking is bad for health yet all are smoking..y? cos the 5 mins of smoking allow us to forget many things...

go settle the baby issue first bah... then settle ur own issue.. :)
good luck and jia you...

[tanterry]

Convince her to get it aborted. You are already a bastard, so still mind to do it one more time?

[yoho]

you no good numpskull stupid idiot fool. own marriage fuckup anb now you upfuck others marriage. here come bluf seek advice. yoho have this for you. like my avatar, you should put head out when mrt come to station or put head out when bus stopping at busstop. I no scold people, you 1 i canot take it. reputation point for zap, yoho disapprove you.:mad:

[yoho]

post starter. post smething so can cut your points.:(

[crazydog_19]

Dear BiRd13,

Maybe, you should go and see a fortune teller (THAI type) check up, what up in your life??? :o see anyway can improve your life.

Like the rest have said, give up the innocent baby (abort it); and do not fcuk up other people marriage just because you do.

treat this relationship over, or else you have more to come. :eek:

[ING ING]

The TS did not tell the details. He said his wife did something wrong on her. And he now did other ppl gf and wife. So are these related?:confused:

[ING ING]

you no good numpskull stupid idiot fool. own marriage fuckup anb now you upfuck others marriage. here come bluf seek advice. yoho have this for you. like my avatar, you should put head out when mrt come to station or put head out when bus stopping at busstop. I no scold people, you 1 i canot take it. reputation point for zap, yoho disapprove you.:mad:

Bro, I think he is doing some confession here. He did feel guilt from the way he wrote, but it's quite brief he had wrote. So hard for bystander to judge:)

[natax]

You don't trust other girls bcoz you keep screwing other ppl's wife. You had seen how they can betray their husbands/ bfs, so you know any girl you meet will do the same to you! Honestly... I wonder why ppl like you exist. Does it feel so good to be screwing other ppl's wife/ gf? Remember.. what goes around, comes around. There will be Karma. :mad:

[JediSkull]

Believe in Karma.... what goes around, comes around.

love this quote! :rolleyes: reminds me of infernal affair......... CHU LAI PAO DE, ZHONG JIU DE HUAN DE...........;)

btw TS, ur wife kenna pregnant by other married men? how come u wanna impregnate a married woman?

and seriously the very least is to check if u have the same blood type as the married woman's husband....... or else she's gonna have a hard time explaining the origins of the baby........

[MOTORAZR]

bro BiRd13

i think it is a very irresponsible act on your part and the married lady to do that....if u were her husband.... how will u feel.

I think she should go for abortion...ie find a reason to convince her hubby.

Believe in Karma.... what goes around, comes around.

sorry din mean to be bad.


I totally support what bro Thunder says, there are plenty of girls around, so don't be involved with a married women, somemore get her pregnant, lie to the husband about the baby. Mate, you can do better than that. remember about Bad Karma and believe in it.

[Stud00]

Hi Bro T.S,
i applaud you for being man enough to share this in the open. After reading your post, i can sense that confusion and pressure that you might have. Personally, i might have gone through some experiences that might be similar to yours.In the past, I do have a phobia of getting into a committed relationship too, all thanks to a engagement that didn't work out and bankruptcy. I guess that two of the things that would hit a Man hard, would be.. 1) Career 2) Failed marriage.

3 Years have passed since that happened, and during this 3 years, i have done things that somehow disgusted me, some of them are really not worth mentioned, but let's just say that i can empathize with you. Countless innocent people have been hurted because of my selfish actions, my actions to "seek justice" for myself. But all i can say is,
Bro, you really gotta forgive and forget.. and really make a decision to do so. Screw all the past mistakes, we all do make some shitty mistakes, sometime in our life. It's not how we start our life but how we finish it. Somewhere out there, is a nice lady, your bride to be, DON allow your past to eat you up, it's never too late to make a decision.
So what if you have gotta a lady pregnant? Yes, it's a dumb fuck thing to do, but it's already happened. The most important thing is, What are you gonna do about it?? If you haven't seen it yet, your dumb fuck actions might just cost this woman her marriage, and even a little innocent life at stake? What would happen if she decides to abort? An innocent life? Just because of your 30Secs of joy? Don't wanna to come down hard on you bro, but think about it! What's nexT? Something of a greater multitude?

Bro, please please stay away from married and attached ladies, how would you feel if someone is fucking ard with your gal? Spend a sec and think about that. It's your life, and yours to live, please don't allow a past mistake to torment you forever.

As of now, i have just been happily attached with a gal whom i really love very much. And i can truely say i am faithful to her, and if some bros wonder, w.t.f m i doing in a forum like this, all i can say is, i am sharing my past scandals..haha!

Cheers!

[ganbei]

The Bible say "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them;".

So treat others the same way that you would want them to treat you. In other words if you want to be respected you need to respect others.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. In order to be able to fall in love with the same person over and over again, you must have an enduring and forgiving heart. You must constantly remind yourself of the things that you marry this person for.

It is often said that it is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show them up.

[I.m.Jim]

For every action there is an opposite and equal reaction ! KARMA long termed or short termed will catch up with you . Don't live to regret your actions when things comes around .:cool:

[d_delvoye]

bro BiRd13

Believe in Karma.... what goes around, comes around.



"I am the owner of my karma .
I inherit my karma.
I am born of my karma.
I am related to my karma.
I live supported by my karma.
Whatever karma I create, whether good or evil, that I shall inherit."

[mcvai]

And so i say, stay single beats everything else so no worries but your own life. commitment/marriage, omg that's a lifetime liability especially so even in the case of a divorce...

[carmeo88]

If wanna enjoy why get marry in the first place?If wanna have fun, why don't take safety precaution? If you think by making the gal pregnant and the responsility will goes off? What goes around, comes around is true. Believe me.:rolleyes:

[Kyser Soze]

If wanna enjoy why get marry in the first place?If wanna have fun, why don't take safety precaution? If you think by making the gal pregnant and the responsility will goes off? What goes around, comes around is true. Believe me.:rolleyes:
Well said.
The consequences of getting pregnant is very severe, especially when she's married. I always believe in not hurting the lady in any way. ;) In this case, the family of hers might be hurt as well.

[NokiaUser82]

Guess T.S gave his everything to his first wife. Give yourself some time T.S to clear ur thoughts. You will meet someone whom u can trust and share ur life with again, be it local or a foreigner. Gd Luck.:D

[huanggua]

History is the best teacher. Learn from the past and with the knowledge we progress into the future. Let each day be better than the last.

[Vectra]

The TS had lost the meaning of commitment and marriage. Whatever situation he had seen it and went thru. That's why the "bo chup"-ness :cool:

Sometime in life one really dun give a damn of matters coming to...

[yingge]

Y?
Yr problem or her problem?

[muguamugua]

Play too much and u lose interest in everything.

[Oralcraz]

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. In order to be able to fall in love with the same person over and over again, you must have an enduring and forgiving heart. You must constantly remind yourself of the things that you marry this person for.

It is often said that it is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show them up.

Dating is easy. ROM is easy. Custom marriage is easy. The most difficult is maintaining a marriage. That's why I agree with bro ganbei post. This is one way of maintaining a marriage.

By the way, is very wrong to pregnant others wife. No good at all for both u and the woman. My marriage is shotgun. My wife(gf then) wanted to abort. I say NO. Must married cos, spiritually, is no good to abort. Is like......"ending" one of yr own. For u, want to marry her also cannot cos is others wife. Hah.........

[Oralcraz]

Hi TS,
I can understand the emotional stage u are going thru. I have a few divorce friends. All manage to stand up and move on positively. Two of them even re-marry and am leading proper family life (of course is not 100% good but the marriage is well manage). Learn from this episode. Never never never repeat mistake.

[casannova03]

I dunno how a divorce feels like....but i must say i feel for you at this stage of your life. It must be a vey hard period.

However, bro, remember 2 wrongs is not = 1 right.

Something did something to your wife or your wife did something with someone, which is wrong. This does not means you have to "join in their fun". What difference are you from them now?

I dunno if you intentionally seek out the married gal in hope of having revenge. But we as adults should never do things that will affect an innocent young baby.

So bro what do you intend to do now? Inform the women's husband so that they too will get a divorce? and then become the man's best friend cos both your wives cheated on the both of you?

See? makes no sense at all....so do what you have to do as a man! Spak to the lady and say you dun feel right about her keeping the baby. As much as i am against abortion, i feel its just about the best way it is now for you, the lady, her husband and the baby!

One thing for sure is never do something that will have the potential to come back and haunt you later in your life!

Just imagine...when you've pick yourself up from the lowest shit in your life and you've found new success and a new wonderful family 10 yrs on........this women turn up with YOUR baby and says "you remember what you did 10 yrs ago?....Its gonna be shit all over again!!!

Do what you have to do bro...;)

[Darkstorm]

See? makes no sense at all....so do what you have to do as a man! Spak to the lady and say you dun feel right about her keeping the baby. As much as i am against abortion, i feel its just about the best way it is now for you, the lady, her husband and the baby!




He is probably not looking at this thread anymore.

Anyway, I feel that the child is innocent and should be given a chance to live, based on the information given.

[Peter Bang]

[QUOTE=colins;2941353]Bro you know sometimes during our lives, when we suffer setbacks, when we lose something we treasure, we also lose part of ourselves that is attached to the something or someone we've lost. Normally we will instinctively recover over a period of time, and during the process of recovery, our mind rebuild the part of our memory containing that something or someone who we've lost.

Attached to those memories are also experience. Lessons that you've learnt those experience, unfortunately, would be lost as well. Thats why a person always change after he or she recovers from an ordeal, its becos the some of the fundamental rules (in thinking) which were derived from those experience are no longer there.

QUOTE]

Thanks bro... for the past few years, i have been asking myself WHY.. You had just provided me with the answer...