I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Let me start off by saying that I'm not HIV positive..

Why?

Cause I haven't been tested yet.

Maybe confessing would help when I go for a test, maybe it won't, idk. What did I use to do? A lot.

I used to pick up trans at Changi for BJ and AJ at times. Mostly protected, but there were BBBJ towards the last few exposures.

I used to frequent GL FLs, the ones on the streets, unlicensed, unregulated. These exposures were all protected, BJs and FJs.

I used also used to go to Orchard Towers HC, BJs and FJs protected.

I was stupid.

This happened over a span of 3 years. Never went for testing, the thought never crossing my mind.

Then all of a sudden, somewhere in Nov 2011, after quitting smoking and cheonging, I felt this sudden surge of fatigue and guilt taking over me. My last exposure was near the end of October, protected if recall correctly.

All of a sudden all symptoms appeared, loose stools, sweating more at night, feeling tired more easily, dry mouth. Some of these symptoms are happening up till now. I'm at a loss of what to do.

For the past 3 years, I've been stupid and thoughts of infection has never crossed my mind. I never had any "fire" feeling when I urinate, never had any STD symptoms as I know of. But now, I've read that some STDs, don't even show any symptoms. Die, means I also don't know what.

What I'm most fearful of is the other 3 big letters. H-I-V.

Wow, I'm really at a loss of what to do. In my head, its only, test positive, write all the letters I need to my loved ones, and say bye bye.

I doubt got any sammyboys/cheongsters as hardcore as I was without thinking. I think that only I'm in such a predicament and as such, I square the responsibility on my shoulders alone. I am at such a loss of what to do.

I want to turn my life around, and the past few months, I have indeed been doing that. But I don't know how to and end up, sitting around doing nothing all day. I feel like leaving it all behind.

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Since you've pretty much convinced yourself you're positive, why don't you get tested just to confirm it.

If it turns out you're negative, treat it as a bonus. :D!

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

anyone try this before?

http://www.aidstestkit.blogspot.com/...94de1de2bb7c56

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Go for a test of HIV. Maybe result it is negative? why so sad now. Want do don,t fear.........

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Go for a test of HIV. Maybe result it is negative? why so sad now. Want do don't fear.........

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Piangz eh! All the symptoms you describe does not point to any specific STD. Maybe it's because you stop smoking? Withdrawal symptoms?

Basically, what I'm saying is, it could be anything (maybe not even smoking withdrawal, I just hamtam only to prove a point) that happened to show up... not necessarily STD or STI.

I did a Google of your symptoms and the result was mixed: stress to medication side effects.

Worried? Go get yourself checkout. Since you want to turn your life around, suggest you go for full body check up. Get those that include HIV test. I believe they will ask for your consent as part of the process...

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

you may get STD but unlikely HIV provided you are dam lucky strike TOTO...

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Read...

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Pre...y/show/1360421

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Your symptoms point to digestive problems (loose stools, lethargy, etc.). Since you said you always engaged in protected sex, you shouldn't be worrying about HIV at all. To feel more assured, I suggest you look up the studies done and posts made by the experts at Medhelp and The Complete HIV/AIDs Resource: The Body. If you do decide to go for a test, knowing the facts will keep you sane for the period before you get that negative result. I believe you are over-freaking yourself out, and this mental drain is contributing to your symptoms.

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

the symptoms u had described does not related to HIV..but might be other problem... consult your gp and arrange full body check up...not necessary HIV related concern but more to acquire wat happening to our body n health..

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Bbbj v unlikely to get HIV

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Like what the boss said is right! To quell all fears and anxiety, go for a check up!

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

dude,if u hv been smokin 4 more than 20 years n u jus suddenly quit smokin,most probably is e cigi withdrawal symptoms? not 2 scare u,but i hv a frd who hv been smokin 4 more than 30 years n he jus quit suddenly.. he died.. :confused:
run a health check jus 2 hv a peace of mind dude.. good luck.. ;)

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

I've thought about this issue too. I've only been smoking for like 7 years only?? like how can all these be due to smoking right???

btw, any samsters tried this CORE HIV 1+2 test kit before? Care to share experience?

Link: http://www.aidstestkit.blogspot.com/...94de1de2bb7c56

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

I been smoking since 12 and quit at 31. How many years is that? My last 3or 4 years before I quit was 40 sticks a day (if I no go chiong) Chiong at least 3 - 4 packs.

After quit for 2 years, I put on 20kg, cough out blood and tar.

Now I am over weight and at risk of heart attack I suspect.

I still have dry mouth and the runs (lao sai) frequently...

I don't even fuck around anymore...

healthy? I think not....

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

just go for the test at proper clinic unless your aim is to promote this website

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

My aim is not to promote that site at all.. I'm just so scared i'm looking for anyone who tried out the self test kit before..

I don't know if i should try it, even though I've arranged to buy it..

I mean if negative ok. I'll wait another month and test again.. And if negative again, straightaway go to AFA or any anon testing facility to test..

If positive, I really don't know how.. Should I immediately test again with the other kit I bought???

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

When I quit and went cold turkey from smoking. I experience the same things as TS. I have being smoking for 20 years. I am clean from smoke and alcohol for 6 months. However SBF is another issue. Hahaha

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Dun worry just go for the test, having HIV doesnt mean its end of the world. Ppl with HIV are still living happily for the past 1-20 years.

Was stressed like you b4, but still went for the test. After the test totally quitted from the scene, the most just go for massage and op for HJ. :p

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Everyone has their sexual needs, u pay for it anyway so no way u r an animal. I believe base on those symtoms u described dosen't conclude u have HIV, if u worry maybe can test overseas like at JB?

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Wah all this talk of testing myself or going to AFA to test..

I think i'll just cancel testing myself and leave it alone for awhile...

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Your symptoms look very generic.. could be withdrawal symdrom from quitting smoking.

Anyway to have a peace of mind, just go for the checkup. Just draw some blood onli mah.

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Haha.. Thanks sexfrenzy.. Your msg brought a smile to my face, and that hasn't happened for quite some time.. :)

The draw blood part of course not scared bro.. I'm not manny 'pacman' pacquio.. The scary part is the results..

I know, most samsters say, scared of consequences, don't cheong.. But what if it was at a time when I was not thinking straight??

At times like this, I also can't see what I'm looking for, through all this postings and stuff.. maybe i'm just here to air my grievances, doubts and confess all past wrongs (albeit anonymously).. Maybe i'm just one of those who doesn't have the balls to face it head-on..

I envy and applaud all the samsters who mustered up the courage and go ahead with the testing, beating all their fears.. I on the other hand seem to cower up in a corner.. I wish I had your strength, your bravery..

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Wah, jialat lah...

How I wish I had found sammyboy earlier.. Read a lot of the older posts..

Guys go GL, wait 3 months, test, then cheong again... Makes me feel damn stupid sia now.. Sometimes not even 1 month I go cheong again.. Never got tested..

I think I die already loh....

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

What does that achieve? It will not protect you. Testing is not prevention.

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Hi tsar.. Really you had nightsweats also from quitting?????

Well, testing gives u peace of mind.. Extremely contradictory, considering my situation..

I never cared for the past 3 years.. Don't care, just went ahead doing all these things.. Totally self destructive attitude..

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Point of clarification....

HUMANS ARE ONE SPECIES OF ANIMAL.

More specifically, we are one species of great apes. The other great apes are chimps, bonobos, gorillas and orangutans.

See, for instance, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ape .

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Take it easy and all the best. my fren had the same experience as yrs but after check HIV but he has some kidney problem tats why he had all these issues. he cheong also not much also but yeah. better check n have a peace of mind

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

the more i read, the more i believe i'm closer to my wits end..

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=47849

and i haven't even been for the test.. I really feel scared...

Re: I was an animal, now I'm paying for it.
 

Thanks for your kind words..

I'll keep that in mind in case I decide to do anything to myself.. I just pray that I don't, cause its getting hard and its getting to me so much..