Originally Posted by warbird
When a woman starts telling you about something important,
something emotional, whether about work, family, friends or
otherwise, employ these 3 steps in this order:
Bonding Step 1: Mirror her words.
This means you don't ADD anything, you don't analyze, you don't
solve. You just show her that you actually heard her words and
weren't thinking about LeBron, Giselle, your quarterly reports or
wondering about the shape or color of her areolae.
So if she said, "Sorry I'm not very talkative. I had a hard day
today at work today. My boss is such an a-hole." You say:
"Sounds like you had a tough day."
Bonding Step 2: Validate her feelings.
Whatever your opinion, whatever your thoughts or observations - put
a lid on it! Step two of creating a BOND with her is to validate
that her feelings are justified. Which is a way of "accepting" her
as is, something few of us rarely get from anyone!
So if she says, "My boss just yells at everyone like their fools,
but he knows less than anyone." You say, "You have every right to
be mad at that idiot. You know more than him and he acts like he's
king of the world."
Bonding Step 3. Empathize.
Notice this is the first time "you" came into the picture here.
You have just laid the groundwork for her to feel heard (already a
miracle, in her eyes) and validated (a double miracle!" Only now
to do you up the ante by letting her know that you "feel her pain."
So if she says, "I'm just so tired of working so hard and not being
appreciated for all I bring," only now can you bring your sorry ass
into the conversation and add, "I'm really sorry you're going
through that. It must feel awful. It makes me feel like I'm losing
all my motivation just listening to you describe it."
Yes! Exactly! She will exclaim, as she grabs your knee - thrilled
to be in the presence of such a Prince of a Man, who not only hears
her, accepts her without judgment but who also FEELS what she FEELS.
That, my friend is a 3-Step Shortcut to bonding with any woman.
Communications is a step-by-step process of building trust, humor,
authority, inspiration and rapport..........................................
Cheers!
Bro WB
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