[junebaby]

I self-entertained by watching Netflix while waiting for Mark to arrive. It felt kind of weird lounging around the house wearing a bra, but I probably would head out to meet him at the coffeeshop anyway, and I was sure I wouldn't want to go there braless.

It was nearly 830pm when he text to say he was reaching so I told him to meet me directly at the coffeeshop. I grabbed my wallet and phone and headed down, braving the Friday evening late dinner crowd. I managed to get a seat in front of the western stall and waited for him to arrive.

He arrived within 5 minutes and sat down opposite me. He had gone home to change and was dressed simply in a singlet and berms.

I got a chicken chop for myself while he got fish & chips. We ate in silence. I couldn't finish my fries so he helped himself. I guess he needed the carbs to line his stomach to prepare for the alcohol later. If he was going to drink, I guess he might stay over.

We headed back up after dinner.

Me: What would you like to drink?

M: What do you have?

I opened the fridge, and he peered in from behind me.

Me: Beer, wine, more beer.

M: Any soju?

Me: Funny you should ask. I do have a couple of bottles.

M: Flavoured ones?

Me: Yup. Tried the plain ones in Korea and nearly died.

M: Us too. Seemed like everywhere we went, they only had plain soju.

Me: Well, I've only got grape and strawberry.

M: Those are fine.

Me: I don't have soju glasses.

M: I can drink straight from the bottle.

Me: Oh. What about me?

M: You can drink straight from the bottle too?

Me: It's not beer you know. But I've got beer mugs.

M: The bottle of soju isn't enough to fill the mug I think.

Me: Aren't you supposed to take shots of soju?

M: I'll take sips.

Me: Fine.

I took two bottles out first and stepped back, not realizing how close to me he actually was, and smashed my butt onto his crotch.

M: Woah. Be careful.

Me: What? It's not as if you were hard and I was naked.

M: Funny.

Me: Besides, I already had my asshole stretched. Twice. Yours shouldn't be a problem.

M: Very funny.

We headed to the living room and settled on the couch.

M: Can your light change colour?

Me: Huh?

M: It's a little too glaring. I'm having a slight headache.

Me: Oh. Erm. Hang on.

I went to the switch and turned off the light, turning on the corridor light instead.

Me: Better?

M: Yeah.

Me: Headache and you still want to drink?

M: Why not? Fight poison with poison. Haha.

Me: Sure. Lots of poison in the fridge. Please help yourself.

M: Later.

We unscrewed the bottle caps and clinked the bottles together.

Both: Cheers!

He took a super long swig of the soju. I tried doing the same but it didn't seem to want to go down correctly and I choked, soju coming out of my nose, burning all the way, and spewing it all over the floor and coffee table.

Me: Shit.

M: Haha! Are you ok?

Me: Yeah.

I hurriedly grabbed some tissues to wipe the mess.

Me: Urgh. I need to change now.

M: Go ahead. You got a rag or something? I'll help you clean up.

Me: Kitchen at the sink.

I turned and headed into the kitchen, removing my t-shirt so that I could throw it into the washing machine.

M: Seriously?

Me: Not as though you haven't seen me naked.

M: True.

I removed my shorts as well and stood there in just my bra.

Me: You're probably used to seeing naked girls all the time.

M: True as well.

Me: At least I know you aren't going to rape me or what.

M: Yeah. I'm not that other guy you met.

Me: Oh god. Don't remind me about him. You know he messaged me again? Said he was sorry and wanted to meet to apologize.

M: I hope you didn't agree.

Me: Of course not! I'm not going to meet anyone else from the forum anymore. No matter how nice they seem.

M: Not everybody is a colourful wolf.

Me: I know.

M: But they way you're acting now…

Me: What? You're going to transform into a colourful wolf?

M: Nah. You don't really have an effect on me anyway.

Me: Fuck you. I'm still pretty hot.

M: Yup. Not denying it. But not to me.

Me: Ass. I'm going to shower. Help yourself to the drinks.

He took another long swig of the soju and finished the entire bottle.

M: Yeah. After I help you clean up.

I swear I wasn't trying to tease him on purpose. But it had gotten to the stage that I was really comfortable around him. Somehow I felt safe when he was around. Like I could be completely naked and he would just ignore me. In some ways, to a late 30s woman, it was also actually pretty demoralizing so I stormed off to the bathroom.

I guess his mental state wasn't good still. He was likely still hurting from whatever Jasmine and the rest did. And I certainly wasn't helping. I took a cold shower just in case but I ended up with my nipples erect instead, and feeling rather hot from the little bit of soju that I'd drank.

I put on an oversized t-shirt and headed back out. Mark had already finished another half bottle of soju, and was eyeing my ¾ bottle.

Me: Hey… slow down yeah?

M: I'm good. Don't worry.

I sat down next to him and lay my head on his shoulder while hugging his arm.

Me: How are you coping?

M: Like that lor.

Me: Not very descriptive.

M: It kind of hurts. But we had a chat during lunch.

Me: Oh? About what?

M: About our relationship?

Me: And?

M: She thinks we should both pursue other interests for the time being.

Me: And her other interests are?

M: Not me obviously.

Me: But why?

M: She suddenly feels like we started wrongly. We shouldn't have been together in the first place, shouldn't have done all the things we did.

Me: That's hilarious.

M: She says she still has feelings for me, but she's unsure what they actually mean to her.

Me: Uh huh.

M: So she wants to take the time to evaluate.

Me: That sounds like a load of crap.

M: I know right. She told me she slept with Tom a couple of times. Darren too, even Jason.

Me: And how is that supposed to help in her evaluation?

M: Strangely, she said with me it felt the strongest emotionally. But physically, Tom was the clear winner.

Me: Ouch. So what does she want? Sleep around some more?

M: She didn't say. But I told her I'll be happy for her whatever she chooses.

Me: You're nuts. If you really want her shouldn't you fight to be with her?

M: I'm tired of fighting.

Me: What about you then? What do you want?

M: I want to rest. I keep thinking back about everything that happened over the past decade or so and I really wonder if I would have done anything differently.

Me: You mean starting from Ann?

M: Isabelle actually.

Me: That was pretty long ago right?

M: Yeah. If I wasn't single and horny, I might never have met Ann.

Me: So what would you do differently?

M: Probably nothing. Haha. Back then I was really into the army regular lifestyle.

Me: And everything changed after your overseas posting.

M: Yeah. Then Ann came back, and you know how the story goes.

Me: You wouldn't have met everyone else. Including me.

M: That's true.

Me: Tell me honestly. Are you absolutely sure you love Jasmine?

M: I think so.

Me: Why do you think so? Based on what you wrote, she isn't exactly the one who's been the nicest to you. She's also not the prettiest either in my opinion. Is it because you spent the most amount of time with her?

M: I'd like to think I'm not that shallow. But I did spend a lot of time with her.

Me: Who's the prettiest?

M: I don't want to answer that.

Me: We're having a heart to heart talk now. You can tell me anything you want.

M: You're going to write about it.

Me: Most likely.

M: Oh what the hell. Shirlyn's the prettiest.

Me: That's interesting.

M: Why?

Me: She looks innocent and studious. I guess that's the type of girl you like.

M: Not really either.

Me: Who's the best in bed? Hahaha.

M: I'm so gonna get slaughtered if I answered that. How do you define best?

Me: I don't know. Horniest? Tightest? Most adventurous? Most willing to please?

M: Horniest… would probably be Shirlyn. The first time she had her way with me, I felt she was more horny than Jasmine the first time we had sex. Even though she said didn't have sex for five years.

Me: Do you actually believe that?

M: I do. She felt a little unsure, maybe confused, reluctant even. But once we started…

Me: Why in the world would you sleep with a married woman after what happened with Ann?

M: Why would you as a married woman sleep with Dan, or Ben, or Tom?

Me: Oi. This is about you. Not me. And I wasn't married yet technically.

M: Jasmine had an absent husband. Mike was around. You fucked Ben out of jealousy. Dan because you've always been comfortable around him and he was convenient?

Me: You're right. I couldn't stand seeing Mike talking to other girls. I still don't know why.

M: And now you let him go to a sex party.

Me: Well, he's already fucked Shirlyn and Jasmine. You know how he is after he fucks someone else.

M: Maybe what we did was wrong.

Me: Do you really think so?

M: I don't know.

Me: It's a matter of opinion isn't it?

M: It is.

Me: I'm having the best sex of my life after all this happened. If it's wrong, then why am I enjoying myself so much?

M: I guess our mindset changes. I thought I could and would accept this. Now I guess I don't.

Me: Do you still want to be with Jasmine?

M: Yes.

Me: Do you think she wants to be with you?

M: I don't know. I think so. Maybe?

Me: And yet you're doing nothing to find out?

M: I'm just letting her live her life.

Me: And what about you?

M: I'm just moving along.

Me: Why not move on?

M: Move on to what? Or who?

Me: Who knows. When Isabelle left, you found Ann, then Jasmine, then Shirlyn, then all the others in between. I'm sure you can find someone.

M: What if I don't want to?

Me: Then just be single? Nothing wrong with that.

M: It gets lonely sometimes. I feel… unwanted. Unappreciated.

Me: You mean emotionally right? Cos sexually, there's like a line queuing up.

M: Of course I mean emotionally. I find it hard to have sex without feelings these days.

Me: Oh? Really?

M: I actually kind of felt like Jasmine was going through the motions just before we took a break.

Me: Hmmmm. What about the others?

M: Alicia… we would still cuddle after sex. And talk.

Me: So you're saying before you took a break you only slept with those two?

M: Nat's not counted. She just uses me. There's nothing emotional there.

Me: Shirlyn? Crystal? Rebecca?

M: Shirlyn's pretty busy these days. Initially I think there were some feelings, then it just felt like she was also using me. Crystal and Rebecca don't count.

Me: Did you ever feel Jasmine or Alicia were using you?

M: Not really.

Me: You're in denial.

M: But I think I did enjoy sex with them a lot more because of the feelings.

Me: If feelings were so important to you, why did you even bother with any of the rest of them then?

M: I thought it would make them happy.

Me: At your own expense.

M: It made Jasmine happy.

Me: Even if it really did, it's still at your own expense. I think you've been suffering for a while, and you never really spoke to anyone about it.

M: I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Sex or no sex.

Me: Oh? That's new. I mean your life has always been full of sexual encounters. But one of the reasons why I kept reading was also because of the non-sexual parts about your interactions and emotions. But the gist of it was always about the sex. Maybe that's why I enjoyed EoS's super long story too. You sure you can live without sex? Hahaha.

M: I'm getting old I guess.

Me: Don't remind me. When I see the younger girls, I feel a little inadequate.

M: You're still pretty hot. For an older lady.

Me: Awwww… you're so sweet yet irritating at the same time. But seriously… are you having some problems? You know, medically?

M: No? I think?

Me: Couldn't have sworn I read that someone wrote your cock is going to fall off from overuse.

M: It's still there. Recovering from the overuse maybe.

Me: Can't get hard any more then? Is that why you're taking a break? Hahahah.

M: Actually, I did notice my erections weren't very good lately.

Me: Oh shit. I was only teasing. For real?

M: Yeah… don't really get as hard as before, don't really stay hard as long as before.

Me: Oh no. I didn't mean to tease you. Was just trying to lighten the mood.

M: Haha. It's fine la. I've already had so much sex the past few years. Maybe my body is telling me to stop.

Me: This is probably like me not being able to get wet. Hope that never happens.

M: There's always lube.

Me: And there's always Viagra.

M: Ya! So irritating. My Facebook been showing me ads for Noah.

Me: Who's Noah?

M: Some discreet online clinic for men's health I think. Didn't really click the link.

Me: You know Facebook ads are targeted right?

M: Meaning?

Me: Like say if you searched for something on Google, it would show up as ads in Facebook.

M: Ah.

Me: So you are concerned about your erections. Hahahahaha.

M: A little I guess.

Me: You don't masturbate? It's like exercise right? Keep doing it and your dick will get stronger. Haha.

M: I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

Me: Don't know. No dick. Haha.

I snuggled up closer to him, squeezing onto the side of the sofa.

Me: So what are you going to do about it?

M; My erections?

Me: Actually, I was talking about Jasmine. But sure, I'm curious to find out if online medications work. Hahahaha.

M: Is Mike having problems?

Me: Nope. I meant for you. Like I thought you go to a clinic for your tests. Why can't you just go to a physical clinic to check it out?

M: Ah. Cos the pretty nurse there might judge me.

Me: Based on your frequency of STD testing, she's probably judging you already..

M: Haha. Ok fine. I thought maybe I'll just get one pill to see if it works.

Me: And without a partner, you're going to take Viagra then use your hand?

M: I guess so?

Me: Crazy. You could have asked me.

M: To have sex?

Me: I don't mind. Seriously. Who knows, maybe the pill might make you so hard it feels bigger than it is. Haha.

M: Don't think it would.

Me: Who knows.

Suddenly Mark sat up and got off the sofa, shrugging me off in the process.

Me: Woah. What's up?

M: Sorry, pins and needles.

Me: Oh. Thought you didn't like me holding you or something.

M: Nah. It's fine. But my arm is cramping somehow.

Me: Stretch?

He did.

M: Yeah. That works.

He went to get another bottle of soju, opened it and chugged down half again.

Me: You really need to slow down. Maybe that's why your cock isn't working. Too much alcohol.

M: I'm fine la.

He put the bottle down.

M: Can I lie down for awhile?

Me: Sure? This also you need to ask permission?

M: Not my house or my sofa.

Me: You want to lie on a bed instead? Hahaha.

M: Nonono. Sofa is fine.

I got off the sofa and let him lie across it, then realised I had nowhere to sit, so I tried to squeeze in next to him again but there wasn't enough space and I fell off the sofa. He started laughing.

M: Are you ok?

I rubbed my butt.

Me: Sore butt.

M: I can sit up you know.

Me: No. Just lie down.

I climbed on top of him and lay down, my head on his chest.

Me: I'm going to lie on you instead.