[Part 2]
Once the deed was done, all I could think about was how low I had fallen. From a once innocent young boy to a sex addict rawing a FL. This addiction had consumed me and degenerated my mind. As I reflected on my life, I realised that this lifestyle is just a dark pit of destruction and emptiness. Once you start its FUCKING hard to stop. You just keep wanting to find new thrills. It never fucking ends. Eventually one day you realise you have become a completely different person.
But this is where the miracle of my life truly happened. As I was walking out of the place feeling depressed and disgusted with myself, I suddenly had the urge to go to a nearby church. As fate would have had it, there was mass service happening at that hour. Before that however, the priest was giving confessionals. For those who dont know, basically you confess to a priest of your sins behind closed doors and he is bounded by an oath to never tell anyone, no matter how illegal or wrong it is. Wah I tell you , that shit was next level therapy. Keeping this addiction a secret and living a double life is tiring as fuck. Those of you in this forum with girlfriends and wives will understand what i mean. If you're thinking of bringing this secret to your grave, you can do what I did, even if you're an atheist. Trust me, it will take the weight off your shoulders and make you feel less guilty. And its free too, so you can skip the therapy, lol.
Anyways, service began and I managed to take holy communion. Basically this means confessing our sins to God, and wanting to repent. But this is where the magic happened. You see, over the past 8 months I NEVER wanted to quit. I enjoyed the fuck out of it, like a kid in a candystore. There was no guilt or remorse, I was completely desensitized to it. I was just a fucking addict chasing after the next thrill. Thats what this addiction does, you dont even realise what youre doing is fucked up or wrong. The high simply hijacks your brain and you cant think rationally. But for the very first time in 8 months, i wanted out. I wanted to get the fuck out of this lifestyle and run as far as possible. It was like being blind your whole life and suddenly being able to open your eyes. I realised that this addiction had consumed me and led me on a dark path. All the time,money and energy wasted on vice which added no value to my life. All the fucking lies and excuses I made to my family about where I was, when in fact I was bonking a FL. This was all just escapism from reality, cheap pleasure which does not satisfy and give 0 happiness.
And let me tell you something, this vice does indeed dehumanise you. I can say this from my first hand experience. This shit corrupts the soul and mind 100%. You start to see women as sex objects and only think about your own sexual pleasure. Why do you keep seeing samsters on the news for upskirts, sex crimes, etc? Because i tell you the truth, their mind and soul kena corrupted like fuck liao. Till the point they dont even realise that what they're doing is wrong. Thats how dark this lifestyle is.
So what exactly is the point of me sharing my story? Firstly, to inspire others in the forum and warn newbies who are new to this thinking that its "cheap fun". No its not cheap at all. The price you pay for is your own soul. This shit corrupts the fuck out of you. Im not being a religious zealot preaching from a moral high ground. I've been through this bullshit first-hand. And once you start its FUCKING hard to stop. Secondly, I want to write my story here so I can revisit this post whenever i have the urge to go back to my old ways. Not gonna lie, the temptation is strong as fuck. After i went home I keep having the urge to revist the FL and creampie her raw. Even went to book with okt, but managed to wank 2 times in a row and had the clarity to cancel. Thats how strong this addiction is. And if I ever relapse, I will probably be seeking professional help. Probably more worth it than paying $150 to bang a third-world villager lol.
To the attached/married guys reading this, ask yourself this, do you want to constantly live with the guilt of a double life? To break your matrimonial vows? To destroy the intimacy you have with your wife? Disappoint your kids by letting them know daddy is paying money to fuck a hooker? Or worse still, spread stds to your wife?
To the single guys reading this, do you want to waste time, energy and money on this meaningless vice? Or spend your resources wisely to build your life and become successful? Do you want std scares? By the way now DSC wait time is 3 mths, so you need to visit private like I did, which is expensive as fuck. Do you want to fall down this rabbit hole like I did and end up with regrets? Live with the shame of visiting hookers for the rest of your life?
By the way guys, im not preaching from a moral high ground, feel free to disagree with me. Im just sharing my own personal experiences. But I must admit, it feels FUCKING GOOD to be free from this addiction. Finally wake up my fucking idea. This must be how all those guys who kena KC or gong-taoed by siambus must feel after wanking and having post-nut clarity lol.
I know this healing journey will be difficult as fuck, but i will persevere. I know some of yall will read this and slam me. Perhaps say things like "Dont step religious","there's nothing wrong with this lifestyle", etc. But let me just say this. Don't ever try to glorify this lifestyle. It's fucking disgusting. Because throughout all cultures, across all religions, and through the span of human history, this has always been a vice. And I know that history is on my side.
Signing out,
Regretfulman, a man full of regrets
