Partner cheated

[PandaFluff]

I agree with voluptuousvenus, the fact that she has the balls to tell you must count for something. However this does not negate the fact that she cheated on you.

If you can forgive and forget ( extremely hard to do ) then you might want to give it a second try. Just remember one's mind is a evil thing, meaning that whenever you are away on business or from home your mind will wonder and think "I hope she is not cheating on me"

The most important thing is if you do give her a second change you can never hold the fact that she cheated on you against her. That is a sure way to kill the relationship or marriage.

I also second that it is not your fault. We are all raised to know what is right and wrong. That fact that she landed her self in the temptation to cheat on you shows that she made a cognitive decision to do so. No amount of you working away from home or long hours influenced her that she was unable to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong.

Last words of encouragement if you truly love her and she you then I think you should see if you can make it work. However that decision lies with you and I do not for 1 minute envy you on having to make such a decision.

Peace.....

[kpkblppl2]

Originally Posted by voluptuousvenus

And by the way, from the way you put it, seems like she wants to come in clean.

It's a good sign brother. She wanted to start with a clean slate and she thinks that she has to tell you because it could be bothering her.

Listen to your instincts. Good luck.

When there was a strain in the rs then tough to start again.

[randyrockhard]

It's a tough call when someone you love cheated on you.

When your woman cheated on you, you need to make it very clear to her that she would no longer be your 'queen'. She, first and foremost must be made aware that she has relegated her position in the relationship into something that is of lesser than your equal.

I think the biggest soul searching that you need to find is whether or not you are are type of person who would constantly hold her hostage for her betrayal. If you do, then you may want to reconsider breaking it off now.

If let's say that you still want to be with her, it would be prudent for you to name your terms, by making legal agreement with her to ensure that in the event of a future split she would give up her rights for settlement.

I would present that as take it or leave it offer. Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.

[MalcomX]

Originally Posted by randyrockhard

Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.

Wow can't agree more with your statement.

[Fur82]

Bro, I can understand howhy you feel as I'm going through the same process. If she's able to disclose this event to you means she is willing to start afresh in this r/s before entering the next chapter. This is time not to make any quick decision, take your time to understand and listen to her core reason that leads her to the affair. There could be more than just negligence. Talk to her calmly without any defensiveness and you will find more to that reason.

Be honest with her on your feeling on how this has affected you. If she can empathise with you, it shows that she wants to work on your r/s. Both of you have to work through this layers and leave no stones unturned. Be willing to forgive when she earn back your trust. Don't "forget" as this should be a reminder not to make future mistake.

Communications is essential now and don't make hasty decision which you will regret later. It's also never your fault as you didnt put a gun on her head to have an affair. But do apologies if you did do your part in the r/s.

Be calm and rational.

[lawry]

Originally Posted by randyrockhard

It's a tough call when someone you love cheated on you.

When your woman cheated on you, you need to make it very clear to her that she would no longer be your 'queen'. She, first and foremost must be made aware that she has relegated her position in the relationship into something that is of lesser than your equal.

I think the biggest soul searching that you need to find is whether or not you are are type of person who would constantly hold her hostage for her betrayal. If you do, then you may want to reconsider breaking it off now.

If let's say that you still want to be with her, it would be prudent for you to name your terms, by making legal agreement with her to ensure that in the event of a future split she would give up her rights for settlement.

I would present that as take it or leave it offer. Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.

Very true.
Further to add.
Most of the time men cheat is for shoot and forget.
Women cheat with feelings.
Means your position is no longer important.
Just that the men she cheated does not want to commit so she lppl come back and tell you because she wants to be so called "clear conscious " with herself.
However, using Randy words. This monkey is already in position to swing and has swing before but swing back cause the other branch broke, this monkey will definitely swing agAin.
That's why forgiving men cheat "call chicken" is ok. Cause no emotion attached the men still love the women.
But forgiving women cheat is another thing. Feelings have been involved.

[voluptuousvenus]

You all seem to make it look like it's ok for men to cheat and women cheaters are called monkeys.

Typical men... Double standards... And we women must just accept you back with open arms?! Ladies now can survive on their own and won't need men to feed them. Thank you very much.

[nutman38]

Well, that is the stereotype for most of the earthlings....

Man cheat is OK - cause only to fulfill their sexual needs - No feelings involved.
But I believe some men will have their feelings involved too.

Women cheat is not OK cause women 90% will have their feelings involved.

So what is right and what is wrong?

[randyrockhard]

I find it hard to believe that any woman would confess about ever cheating, especially to the man she's about to marry. If she really wants to marry him, normally any woman would try to keep it secret from him.

... say the affair DID happen. It could very well be that her affairs went sour. So bad that in order to remove the element of surprise, she confessed because she knew the cat was about to get out of the bag.

However, the most plausible explanation, I suspect she may actually just want to leave him as soon as possible.

And the sure fire/nastiest way is by telling him that she has cheated on him (it doesn't matter whether this is actually happened or not). If he got upset and leave her, she gets what she wants. If he swallows his pride, she could then say 'I could never be with the man without pride, a man who can not stand up for himself', she also gets what she wants.

I could be wrong though....

[maxsee]

The best thing is still marry someone with good moral values, sex might not be so great but life would probably be fantastic with her ... Not forgetting that sex only dominates a small part of our life .... why would u marry a lady who cheats...it can happen once, it can happen twice...why take the risk

[freezetheDB]

No one can advise you, because only you will be dealing with the consequences.

[sunkingdonut]

Go google surviving infidelity.

[demonhunter]

Organize a gang bang session for her

[Bullshitlar]

Dump her. Once a cheater forever a cheater, i been there myself. Gave her many chance but still continue.

If her excuse is because u neglect her for awhile or etc then she will do it again and again because in life u cant always be there 100%. They dont have integrity to give u trust and respect then why give them that?

Imagine if u busy again or she busy with work one day? Then spend more time with colleagues. End up will bang colleagues in the car, hotel and etc. She doesn't love you, she just loved to be loved and companionship

Walk away, its hard but it is for the better.

[voluptuousvenus]

Originally Posted by Bullshitlar

Dump her. Once a cheater forever a cheater, i been there myself. Gave her many chance but still continue.

If her excuse is because u neglect her for awhile or etc then she will do it again and again because in life u cant always be there 100%. They dont have integrity to give u trust and respect then why give them that?

Imagine if u busy again or she busy with work one day? Then spend more time with colleagues. End up will bang colleagues in the car, hotel and etc. She doesn't love you, she just loved to be loved and companionship

Walk away, its hard but it is for the better.

I guess you are right. Once a cheater, forever a cheater. Goes for men and women. Why do people want variety? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? Or we are just to weak to avoid temptation? Or is there seriously something missing in our lives?