Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[MiningXpert]

Two spies - one from America one from Hong Kong were working together for their respective govts to spy on a corrupted high-profile tycoon living in a glass house.

They were hiding at a vantage point opposite the house, behind a metre-high wall surrounded by bushes. As they waited for the tycoon to appear, the HK spy became restless and decided to do some stretching. "Lay low, pal. You don't want to be seen!", whispered the American. Unfazed, the HK spy ignored him and continued with his stretches, with his upper body clearly visible above the wall.

"Hey, lay low, lay low, you're a mole remember?" The flustered American urged his partner. Still unperturbed, the HK spy brushed his counterpart off and continued to twist and turn his body several times. The next second, a scuffle broke out between the 2 spies and the tycoon sent his bodyguards to capture them.

While being escorted into the house, the American spy chided the HK spy for the senseless assault. "What were you thinking?!", asked the American. The HK spy replied, "you were cursing me!". Confused, the American said he did nothing of that sort. "What in the blue moon have I done?!"

The HK spy then replied, "you said Do Lay Low, Mole!"

[Starpink]

Originally Posted by MiningXpert

Two spies - one from America one from Hong Kong were working together for their respective govts to spy on a corrupted high-profile tycoon living in a glass house.

They were hiding at a vantage point opposite the house, behind a metre-high wall surrounded by bushes. As they waited for the tycoon to appear, the HK spy became restless and decided to do some stretching. "Lay low, pal. You don't want to be seen!", whispered the American. Unfazed, the HK spy ignored him and continued with his stretches, with his upper body clearly visible above the wall.

"Hey, lay low, lay low, you're a mole remember?" The flustered American urged his partner. Still unperturbed, the HK spy brushed his counterpart off and continued to twist and turn his body several times. The next second, a scuffle broke out between the 2 spies and the tycoon sent his bodyguards to capture them.

While being escorted into the house, the American spy chided the HK spy for the senseless assault. "What were you thinking?!", asked the American. The HK spy replied, "you were cursing me!". Confused, the American said he did nothing of that sort. "What in the blue moon have I done?!"

The HK spy then replied, "you said Do Lay Low, Mole!"

Lol bro hahahah

[Orange22]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

✔️ Spend time with your parents before they start confusing you with the neighbor’s son.!

This is very true bro!

[Hurricane88]

Share a joke...

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Share a joke...

Very true, you cannot upgrade a clown. Cheers!

[JiByeZap]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Share a joke...

When a clown become a president, the white house becomes a circus - this is not a joke, it is the truth

[StupidCharsiew]

Originally Posted by MiningXpert

Two spies - one from America one from Hong Kong were working together for their respective govts to spy on a corrupted high-profile tycoon living in a glass house.

They were hiding at a vantage point opposite the house, behind a metre-high wall surrounded by bushes. As they waited for the tycoon to appear, the HK spy became restless and decided to do some stretching. "Lay low, pal. You don't want to be seen!", whispered the American. Unfazed, the HK spy ignored him and continued with his stretches, with his upper body clearly visible above the wall.

"Hey, lay low, lay low, you're a mole remember?" The flustered American urged his partner. Still unperturbed, the HK spy brushed his counterpart off and continued to twist and turn his body several times. The next second, a scuffle broke out between the 2 spies and the tycoon sent his bodyguards to capture them.

While being escorted into the house, the American spy chided the HK spy for the senseless assault. "What were you thinking?!", asked the American. The HK spy replied, "you were cursing me!". Confused, the American said he did nothing of that sort. "What in the blue moon have I done?!"

The HK spy then replied, "you said Do Lay Low, Mole!"

Hahaha I knew that was it. Must know some cantonese to understand this joke

[Duratop]

A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S but couldn’t land a job at a hospital

A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S., but couldn’t land a job at a hospital. So, he decided to open his own little clinic and hung a sign outside that read:

“Get treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100 back!”

One day, an American lawyer saw the sign and thought, “Easy money!” So he walked in.

Lawyer: “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22. Put three drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your taste is back! That’ll be $20.”

Annoyed but not giving up, the lawyer returned a few days later.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember a thing.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put three drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer: “Hey — that’s kerosene! You gave me this last time!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your memory’s back! That’ll be $20.”

Now fuming, the lawyer came back one last time, determined to win the $100.

Lawyer: “Doc, my eyesight is so bad — I can’t see a thing!”

Doctor: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any medicine for that. Here’s your $100.”

The doctor handed him a $20 bill.

Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait! This is only $20, not $100!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight’s restored! That’ll be $20.”

[jacky43]

In Spore. Chinese is cunning. Ang mo smart. Morale of the story. Ang mo scare of Chinese. What types of Chinese? We have PRC, Malaysian, ABC around the world. Dont forget the born locals.

U decide whom?

[GoodGoodGood]

Two men met while both were looking for their wives.

[Hurricane88]

A Pope joke...

Announcement from Rome.

Chinese Cardinal Piah was elected to be the next Pope.

He has declined because he doesn't want to be called Pope Piah ..🤪

[zerkefotre]

agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I

[xploror]

One of the greatest paradoxes ever:

A gifted but impoverished undergraduate, John, borrowed money from his law lecturer, Mr Thomas，to finance his studies, "I'll pay you back once I win my first court case."

After graduating, John failed to return the money, despite repeated reminders. Frustrated, Mr Thomas decided to sue him.

Mr Thomas'argument: If I win this case, as per the court of law, John has to pay me as the case is about his non-payment of dues. And if I lose the case, John will still have to pay me because he would have won his first case. Either way, I'll get my money back."

Equally brilliant John argued back, "If I win the case, as per the court of the law, I don't have to pay anything to Mr Thomas, as the case is about my non-payment. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him as well since I have yet to win my first case. Either way, I'm not going to pay Mr Thomas anything."


-------
It took quite a while long before a priest and a nun, lost in a blizzard and totally exhausted, chanced upon a small cabin.

There was a pile of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor, but only one bed.

Being the gentleman, the priest offered: Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll use the sleeping bag on the floor

The moment he zipped himself up in the sleeping bag and was falling asleep, the nun shivered: Father, I'm cold.

He opened the sleeping bad, got up, took a blanked, and placed it over her.
He returned to the bag, zipped it up. Just when he was about to fall asleep, the nun mumbled: Father, I'm still very cold.

The priest unzipped the sleeping bag again, got up and place another blanket on her, and got back to the sleep bag. Just as he closed his eyes, she said: Father, I'm still so cold!

This time, he stood up, winked at the woman, and smiled: Sister, I've got an idea. We are trapped here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married!

The nun purred: That's perfectly fine with me.

To which the annoyed priest roared: So, get up, and get your own stupid blanket!

[jacky43]

Lawyers r cunning SOB. We seen them in GE25. Including the lighting. Their Q&A has part 2, there4 Judges r careful to Q&A. However, certain extent it dont work in Spore court.

Pls vote thru your heart on 3 May. Yes! We r happy of extented give out. Prepare after GE25, payback additional 10%. A hawker ctr cleaner prepare me, a cup of coffee is going to cost $1.70 in July.

Sir! U have been prepared. U decides on the future of increasing costs. GST 10% in 2026.

[oxeso]

Originally Posted by jacky43

Lawyers r cunning SOB. We seen them in GE25. Including the lighting. Their Q&A has part 2, there4 Judges r careful to Q&A. However, certain extent it dont work in Spore court.
Pls vote thru your heart on 3 May. Yes! We r happy of extented give out. Prepare after GE25, payback additional 10%. A hawker ctr cleaner prepare me, a cup of coffee is going to cost $1.70 in July.
Sir! U have been prepared. U decides on the future of increasing costs. GST 10% in 2026.

Come share more jokes.