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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
Hello sirs and sis!
M, 28 turning 29. Single. Decent job (to me, at least). I realised that I heavily invested a lot of my time and effort in my 20s in building my career and I have severely neglected time for self-reflection and planning. Im slowly starting to do it now. I take random buses and ponder about life until I reach the bus terminal. To be honest, I am just looking for any general life advice from older (hopefully more wiser samsters). Things like: >What's your age and how did your view of 'Love' change over the years >Is it still worth it to get married in Singapore? Local vs Foreigner? >How do you deal with nosy people asking why are you still single at my age. >Is there anything that I should be careful with now I am approaching my 30s in relationships? >How to not get jaded by two-faced people either at work/professional setting? >How do you (some of you feel) living a double-life with chionging and having a clean image in the day? > Has chionging affected how you treat/view your relationships? I know I'm just rambling. Thank you in advance for reading my post. Feel free to discuss your perspectives. I will reply whenever I can. |
#2
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
Why don’t you answer your own questions and we tell you whether you are going the right direction.
__________________
Save your bullets for a better catch |
#3
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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For now, my definition of "Love" is a conscious decision to put 'person of interest's needs as a higher priority than others. Is it still worth marrying? I honestly don't know. I am frankly terrified with how skewed laws are here. You can do your very best as a man and still might get divorce raped. Funnily enough, the blame will still be put on you for 'not choosing the right partner'. I think that anyone who chooses to marry (even after attending marriage counselling courses ) do not wish their marriage to fall apart since they invested in preparation. But then again, we can only control our emotions and actions/reactions. What our partner does is beyond our control. Local vs Foreigner? This a loaded question and I am bound to get flak. I ask this question a lot IRL with acquaintances, friends and people I meet. So far, I can summarise what they say as such: >From religious friends, Doesn't matter-common faith more important. Religion provides Good foundation for values in children. >Friends who are mid late 20s to mid 30s, Dont marry local. They are very materialistic. But marry foreigner, must churn out kid for partner to become PR. >40s to 60s, Don't marry. >My mom, Dont marry unless you want to have kids >My colleagues, Marriage is important as it is part of a human's life cycle ( I should highlight that the sector I work in is heavily female-centric. Ratio of females to males at work is 6:1) > Millenials and coomers, the environment and economic climate is so SHIT. Marry and have kids for what?! How do you deal with nosy people asking why are you still single at my age. 'I just tell them that I work 5.5 days a week. I gym alternate days and I volunteer on weekends. Do you think I got time to find someone?' Is there anything that I should be careful with now I am approaching my 30s in relationships? Not in 30s yet, that's why I am asking. I am willing to listen to whatever wisdom (however distorted) is shared. lmao >How to not get jaded by two-faced people either at work/professional setting? To be honest, I am very jaded. I just treat my work place like how I treat my gym sessions: Go in , do my sets properly, ask nicely and share machine if asked, mind my own business , shower then go home. >How do you (some of you feel) living a double-life with chionging and having a clean image in the day? FEAR. However, to be honest, I really shouldnt be giving a fuck about what other people think. I take care of my parents. I don't break the law. I am not harming anyone (voluntarily) and I pay my taxes. I can do whatever I want! Like dessert before a meal! But alas, we live in a society... thank you for reading |
#4
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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#5
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
@kakasika
Wah, tnx for taking the time to reply. Quote:
But with divorce rates rising, the sanctity of marriage has been whittled down to like something you'd write in a CV. "5 years experience in marriage. Ended due to irreconcilable differences or financial diffculties" Quote:
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So far so good. 80% of dates, the lady offers to 'going dutch' on first and subsequent dates. Local women have slightly more 'refined' tastes tho. As for foreign girls, Ive read from other samsters that you marry one-you marry the whole village. Quote:
I chiong to fill a need. After I've satiated that need, I go back to being productive. I do tend to tunnel vision when I have a specific goal in life. Whether it be the next career progression or educational attainment. Well, hopefully there is an equally weird yet sane person out there for me.Lmao Quote:
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#6
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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__________________
Save your bullets for a better catch |
#7
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
TS you seem like being distracted by your surrounding. Its normal. I was also distracted by my surrounding when i was younger. Try not to be distracted by your surrounding because it will sap your energy and make you unproductive.
You need a hobby that you enjoy besides gyming. Something that will make you very focus. Just enjoy your hobby, you do not have to care whether you get a girlfriend or not, i know you are feeling FOMO because you reaching 30 and still single. Its okay to be single because i am single, other guys are single also. Just enjoy chionging like the rest of us until you meet your girlfriend one day. No need guility for chionging, if guility then don't chiong for the day. >What's your age and how did your view of 'Love' change over the years I'm in <36 yo and always fomo for girlfriend, but i suck at talking. As i reach 30s naturally i start to feel okay with not having gf. Probably a maturity thing as you age. >Is it still worth it to get married in Singapore? Local vs Foreigner? Why bother local or foreigner. If you meet the true one u wont care liao. I still prefer local cos can understand each other better but well guess will wait for cupid to decide. >How do you deal with nosy people asking why are you still single at my age. If you are bothered means you are still immature. Nobody really ask others why you single. >Is there anything that I should be careful with now I am approaching my 30s in relationships? Dont offend people and try to not let ego get in the way, people who look like bad guys are nice people also when you don't judge people and actually have a neutral mindset. >How to not get jaded by two-faced people either at work/professional setting? You are doing well just continue, or switch to other jobs >How do you (some of you feel) living a double-life with chionging and having a clean image in the day? You don't have to hide if your friends ask, but depends on you. SOmetimes i talk about this FL stuff with colleague who are close but no one ever admitted they went to FL so i wont say too. Unless we all go chiong together then expose everyone. If female colleague is present then don't really have to say or can be honest say ya got go siam diu just dont tell them the details to save them the awkwardness. > Has chionging affected how you treat/view your relationships? Yes no one girl can satisfy me, will keep wanting to go for new girls and younger girls or older girls. It made me unwilling to settle down. Will only settle down once meet the one true love. Need to balance your vice spending also cos this vice really spend alot of money. The money can be better spent on housing. |
#8
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
My perspective:
(1) Male usually lack confidence. How you carry yourself and your image. (2) foreigners vs local wives - depends on character. My husband always say good character is a must for wife. Flirting is different (3) I won’t say 1 person is lonely. Depends on what you do. I am single until 30+ and I miss my single days. (4) Noisy relatives usually I avoid them. Just go overseas during CNY and it helps. Check airfares and you see other lonely ppl |
#9
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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#10
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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What do you mean by 'flirting is different'? Quote:
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#11
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
Take the idealism out of love.
Do a cold hard cost benefit analysis. The only love where one always puts another ahead of self is parental love. And that's not always guaranteed either. |
#12
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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It’s not lonely if you have many single friends to hang out together. When all your friends are married and too busy for you, you go out alone and see so many couples walking around. Then you will feel it. Your husband must be a lucky man since he married you for your good character.
__________________
Save your bullets for a better catch |
#13
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
Love by itself is emotional. Practical love won’t last neither do marriage out of necessity. So many sg couples marry to buy a hdb flat.
__________________
Save your bullets for a better catch |
#14
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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#15
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts
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Even on emotional matters, there are costs and benefits to be analysed. What makes me happy, what can the other person do that makes me happy? What can I offer to make the other party happy. Is it a price that’s too high for me? At the end of the day, this results in the best outcomes for everybody. Last edited by larue; 12-07-2022 at 08:51 PM. Reason: Spelling |
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