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  #31  
Old 14-01-2023, 10:04 PM
Aweboy Aweboy is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

To be honest it's still the same for me . Lucky for me we didn't have any children , but she was abusive . She didn't know I would keep records and bills to back up my claim. To her bruises will recover. I didn't have to pay any alimony as my lawyer advices that if she did that, I could counter it by showing proof of the abuse done over the years . As some instances police was involved. I feel for you bro , it's not easy but you will stronger .
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  #32  
Old 14-01-2023, 10:28 PM
bignehneh bignehneh is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Wa lan eh! Bros, u all marry what kind of wife? Machiam ex Olympic Taekwondo 4 Dan black belt? Can beat you up until bruises. Got check got kana any internal injury or not? Sounds damn scary
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  #33  
Old 14-01-2023, 10:52 PM
entering entering is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bignehneh View Post
Wa lan eh! Bros, u all marry what kind of wife? Machiam ex Olympic Taekwondo 4 Dan black belt? Can beat you up until bruises. Got check got kana any internal injury or not? Sounds damn scary
Not to make light of the situation, I also had the same question. How did you guys ended up with these women?

That said, I've always been preparing for a divorce. But so far, things worked out and I'm still married.
  #34  
Old 15-01-2023, 08:18 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rix6669 View Post
What about male or female lawyer to engage?
I've been thinking but really unsure which is a better choice in reality. If female lawyer may tend to side with women more and give a bigger figure for alimony?
A good lawyer is good lawyer. They will do what you’re paying them to, and that is to get the best possible outcome for you.

I did not detect anything but that from the lawyers I consulted, whether they were male or female. Their interest in your case is purely professional.

That said, from my small sample size of 2, I get the distinct impression that these professionally accomplished women have a strong disdain for women who make it their mission to take money from men rather than work for it themselves.
  #35  
Old 15-01-2023, 12:53 PM
donut88 donut88 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Have you two talk about the flat? Who will get the flat? The flat is the major issue.

In terms of maintenance of kid, the judge won't bankrupt u for it. Don't worry about it. The judge expects the mother to be self sufficient to take care of the kid.

If she not capable of earning money to support the kid or have mental issues, u have the advantage of taking custody of the kid.

The flat ownership needs to be agreed between both of you.

U can easily prove that u contribute more than her with the figures. And this will help in paying off her share without hurting your pocket.

If she demands the flat, then she has to pay your share.

If u wan to be mean, go for 80/20 share. Let her pay u alot or get little of the share.
  #36  
Old 16-01-2023, 02:40 AM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

TS,
i always hold the view that a kid, or kids must have parents around when they are growing up

it destroys them to not have a full family

if your abusive wife has control of the kid,
it is likely the kid grows up to

i. hold a biased view of you, whether you care about it or not, the kid grows to be like her mother (siao, easily triggered, biased, quick to blame others etc)

ii. abnormal character, as he/she will frequently be compared with or make own comparisons to her peers and feel like an oddball. High chance to turn out to be a delinquent

iii. lack of a father figure leads to more complications for the kid - if its a son, likely to turn out gay or become a transgender, misfit. If daughter, likely to bear deep distrust to men and marriage, hatred being a constant companion in her life due to the mother's influence etc

You have not been a father before and this is your first chance. It's a beautiful journey.
Be the Dad your kid can be proud of, and his/her best friend. Your natural instinct of a Protector will be rekindled.

Would staying on for the sake of the kid be considered, if ever again?

Your post have painted your wife in a bad light but would you be able to have a more balanced outlook on your marriage with her? Hell, we all have wives that are emotionally unstable, which living specimen on earth bleeds for 3 to 7 days and still stay alive sia??? Fucken depressive if you ask me...
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  #37  
Old 16-01-2023, 08:21 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangster View Post
TS,
i always hold the view that a kid, or kids must have parents around when they are growing up

it destroys them to not have a full family

if your abusive wife has control of the kid,
it is likely the kid grows up to

i. hold a biased view of you, whether you care about it or not, the kid grows to be like her mother (siao, easily triggered, biased, quick to blame others etc)

ii. abnormal character, as he/she will frequently be compared with or make own comparisons to her peers and feel like an oddball. High chance to turn out to be a delinquent

iii. lack of a father figure leads to more complications for the kid - if its a son, likely to turn out gay or become a transgender, misfit. If daughter, likely to bear deep distrust to men and marriage, hatred being a constant companion in her life due to the mother's influence etc

You have not been a father before and this is your first chance. It's a beautiful journey.
Be the Dad your kid can be proud of, and his/her best friend. Your natural instinct of a Protector will be rekindled.

Would staying on for the sake of the kid be considered, if ever again?

Your post have painted your wife in a bad light but would you be able to have a more balanced outlook on your marriage with her? Hell, we all have wives that are emotionally unstable, which living specimen on earth bleeds for 3 to 7 days and still stay alive sia??? Fucken depressive if you ask me...
Every situation is different, every set of parents is different.

In some cases staying together is better for the child/ren, in some cases a complete break is.

What is important is that the adults keep a clear head and stay calm.
  #38  
Old 16-01-2023, 08:39 AM
Royara0429 Royara0429 is offline
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Go for uncontested if possible.

For me, the court mediator helped to lower maintenance to about 1/5 of my salary. The plaintiff was looking at 1/3.

You will grow stronger after divorce and more HUAT when all the negative energy are gone!
  #39  
Old 16-01-2023, 09:21 AM
popeye21 popeye21 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangster View Post
TS,
i always hold the view that a kid, or kids must have parents around when they are growing up

it destroys them to not have a full family

if your abusive wife has control of the kid,
it is likely the kid grows up to

i. hold a biased view of you, whether you care about it or not, the kid grows to be like her mother (siao, easily triggered, biased, quick to blame others etc)

ii. abnormal character, as he/she will frequently be compared with or make own comparisons to her peers and feel like an oddball. High chance to turn out to be a delinquent

iii. lack of a father figure leads to more complications for the kid - if its a son, likely to turn out gay or become a transgender, misfit. If daughter, likely to bear deep distrust to men and marriage, hatred being a constant companion in her life due to the mother's influence etc

You have not been a father before and this is your first chance. It's a beautiful journey.
Be the Dad your kid can be proud of, and his/her best friend. Your natural instinct of a Protector will be rekindled.

Would staying on for the sake of the kid be considered, if ever again?

Your post have painted your wife in a bad light but would you be able to have a more balanced outlook on your marriage with her? Hell, we all have wives that are emotionally unstable, which living specimen on earth bleeds for 3 to 7 days and still stay alive sia??? Fucken depressive if you ask me...
true bro. after divorce settled, focus on the kid. be involve in the kids life. care and control means it is where they will stay. shared custody means ur ex wife will have to involve you in the kids education and health issues.

be proactive.joint the kids school watsapp group. when wanna register for pri 1, need your approval as well. there ia a form. don give chance and be there for the kid. if she don allow you to see the kid and not following the court decree, bring it uo to the court.

divorce ia between you and your ex. children shouldnt suffer. wheb it is your turn to visit or spend time with your kid, do spend time consistently and treasure every moment
  #40  
Old 16-01-2023, 10:02 AM
naan1974 naan1974 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
Yes, so true. I regret ever having given in to my ex wife’s desire to quit working ‘for the sake of the child’.

Terrible decision, almost every human being needs to work, to suffer and not have too much free time.
Totally agreed on this, even do free church work or volunteer also 10x better.
imagine after a hard day work and when you reached home,
her day just started ! how to not die
  #41  
Old 16-01-2023, 04:15 PM
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gilagila100 gilagila100 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bignehneh View Post
Wa lan eh! Bros, u all marry what kind of wife? Machiam ex Olympic Taekwondo 4 Dan black belt? Can beat you up until bruises. Got check got kana any internal injury or not? Sounds damn scary
You will never know.

Before marriage, it's a glass of grape juice. Sweet sweet and sweet some more.

After marriage, you better hope this glass of grape juice becomes wine otherwise you will end with a glass of sour vinegar.

I'm lucky I didn't have an abusive wife like this poor bro but if you ask me, which version of my wife do I prefer, the answer is clear, the unmarried one. lolz.
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  #42  
Old 16-01-2023, 04:43 PM
JacqueMerlin JacqueMerlin is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by edmund899 View Post
that's not true at all! stop spreading misinformation.
How is that misinforrmation?
  #43  
Old 17-01-2023, 12:39 AM
rix6669 rix6669 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donut88 View Post
Have you two talk about the flat? Who will get the flat? The flat is the major issue.

In terms of maintenance of kid, the judge won't bankrupt u for it. Don't worry about it. The judge expects the mother to be self sufficient to take care of the kid.

If she not capable of earning money to support the kid or have mental issues, u have the advantage of taking custody of the kid.

The flat ownership needs to be agreed between both of you.

U can easily prove that u contribute more than her with the figures. And this will help in paying off her share without hurting your pocket.

If she demands the flat, then she has to pay your share.

If u wan to be mean, go for 80/20 share. Let her pay u alot or get little of the share.
She wants to keep the house but I not sure how she's gonna come out with the balance loan, and pay me for my share.

If we go 50-50, basically I stand to lost around 70k of what I put in, no cash and everything go back cpf.
And she will gain a 6 digit figure amount.
Have went for my Free first consultant, lawyer is saying this is Abit unfair for me to split half since I have put in financial alot more. Suggest I take 65%, but my wife will definitely refused this percentage. She claim her lawyer say under womans charter, when divorce she will get the house. No need pay me. Smlj. She seems confident to claim alot because she got a friend gain $200k over a divorce for a 2 or 3 yrs marriage. All these stupid rare story.

I just thinking how NOT to end up in contest divorce, stupidly pay $15000 onwards for this. Wife can be stubborn as she believe she deserve ALOT because of her wasted youth.
  #44  
Old 17-01-2023, 12:52 AM
rix6669 rix6669 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bangster View Post
TS,
i always hold the view that a kid, or kids must have parents around when they are growing up

it destroys them to not have a full family

if your abusive wife has control of the kid,
it is likely the kid grows up to

i. hold a biased view of you, whether you care about it or not, the kid grows to be like her mother (siao, easily triggered, biased, quick to blame others etc)

ii. abnormal character, as he/she will frequently be compared with or make own comparisons to her peers and feel like an oddball. High chance to turn out to be a delinquent

iii. lack of a father figure leads to more complications for the kid - if its a son, likely to turn out gay or become a transgender, misfit. If daughter, likely to bear deep distrust to men and marriage, hatred being a constant companion in her life due to the mother's influence etc

You have not been a father before and this is your first chance. It's a beautiful journey.
Be the Dad your kid can be proud of, and his/her best friend. Your natural instinct of a Protector will be rekindled.

Would staying on for the sake of the kid be considered, if ever again?

Your post have painted your wife in a bad light but would you be able to have a more balanced outlook on your marriage with her? Hell, we all have wives that are emotionally unstable, which living specimen on earth bleeds for 3 to 7 days and still stay alive sia??? Fucken depressive if you ask me...
It sadden me but truth is it's rather unhealthy situation now. Anything happened to the baby, cry at night, immediately I'm being blamed, "wtf I do this evening make the baby cry?" I feed the baby just 20ml excess, all the curse words and demeaning words come out with "this is the reason I can't live with u". It's still within the norm amount, she just like to underfeed. There's alot of overreaction. I'm depressed as f, drink almost daily before sleep to feel better/number. Btw sleep seperated room.
I haven't felt like a father since she started being so controlling and hot tempered, everyone dunno anything, only she knows. Nanny also dunno shit. None of my suggestion can be listened to. She has a zero mistake policy for everyone. This is how bad my marriage with kid has turned out to be.

It's just getting worst and I feeling I can't even protect the kid anymore from this micro controlling woman. Hopefully the kid grow up and prefer to stay with me. That's all I can wish for.
  #45  
Old 17-01-2023, 12:58 AM
rix6669 rix6669 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Royara0429 View Post
Go for uncontested if possible.

For me, the court mediator helped to lower maintenance to about 1/5 of my salary. The plaintiff was looking at 1/3.

You will grow stronger after divorce and more HUAT when all the negative energy are gone!
I want uncontest but not sure if she agreeable to everything and she keep thinking she has alot to gain to let judge decide. (Contested).

Can I ask what is court mediator? The person to negotiate on my behalf? I don't think I stand a chance to negotiate with my wife and get her to agree on anything.

1/5 of salary is alright. It wouldn't affect life too much. I believe 1/5 is based on the gross amount ya?
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